Autobiographical and Cultural Awareness

Cambodian culture is based on the tradition of Buddhism. It is hard for me being a Cambodian Buddhist daughter. I have to follow so many rules. I can barely hang out with my friends or dress up; I have to show a lot of respect to others. On the other hand, American children have an easier lifestyle. They have more freedom; they can do whatever they want to such as the way they dress, talk, and socialize with their friends.

A month ago, my mom held a birthday party for me. I dressed up in a red Banana Republic tang-top and a black knee length skirt. I also put make up on, sprayed some perfume and my sister did my hair.  When I walked down the stairs, my mom opened her eyes wide and had an angry expression. “Go back up stairs and change your clothes, right now. I said right now!” she said. I was mad at her; I could not believe she embarrassed me in front of everyone. But, if I think back to Cambodian culture, teenagers like me are not allowed to wear such attire. We have to wear clothes that cover the body, cannot wear make up, and cannot have boyfriends/girlfriends.

My mother strongly represents the Cambodian culture and tradition. An hour after the incident my relative and friends arrived. I hugged Athens, who is one of my male friends. My mom and my aunts reacted by staring at me and giving me a hostile look. In the Cambodian culture, people are brought up that we would once virginity is given away by hugging and talking to a boy. A Cambodian girl only allowed hugging or kissing boys, if she is married. Then my uncle walked by me and I nodded because I was busy talking to my friends. About a minute later, my uncle talked to my mom and said that he thought that I had changed since I came to America. He said that now my ‘wild’ attitude is just like that of other children who grow up in America plus I should bow, smile and share a nice conversation with him. He also said America has too much freedom and the children are spoiled. I did not really pay attention to see if he looked at me or not because I knew that he is part of our family, I did not have to show too much curtsy.

My families, excluding me, are still in their own old tradition. But I just want everyone to know that since I have lived in America for several years, my dress and attitude have been gradually changing. Yet I will still try to keep my culture and tradition in mind. My parents’ opinion is like that of Paolo Friere that couldn’t do anything with his own style. He had to do whatever the teacher told him to do. I do not want to be like that, I want to be who I am, or I can try to incorporate aspects from the Cambodian culture with the American culture.

About 80 years ago Cambodian parents did not allow their female children to go to school. Have a more difficult lifestyle than boys. The parents of girls think that if females go to school, they would most likely start relationships with the opposite sex through love notes. Girls are destined to become home maids, or cultural dancers. Classical Dance (Cultural Dance), it is popular and traditional. Dancing holds great significance for the Khmer people and we consider the royal dance in particular to be a national treasure. The dances were basically performed to honor the God. As Proeung Chhien believes, “Dance is our national soul”. This is the reason why our parents want us to do only such things. Right now my parents’ want me to rejoin the Cambodian Dance Group of Oregon, but I am against this because I have schoolwork to take care of since I’m here in Portland State University. I had been in this group for three years and danced various dances. I want to give myself more time to pay close attention to school more then anything else.

Dance would cut out a majority of time I’ve allocated for studying. I can see my life starting to become similar to Richard Rodriquez’s life. He was a scholarship boy. He had to spend so much time with his school so he couldn’t admire his parents. I want to do well in school, but at the same time, I don’t want to loose dancing. Dance is a big part of my life and a heart of Cambodian people. It keeps me connected to my ancestry. When I was a little girl, my dream was to become a great dancer and have a good career, so that in the future I can support my parents. I wanted to represent Khmer people, its history and to allow the culture to keep generating. But I have to let one thing go in order to be successful in the other. In the future, I will go back to dancing along with trying to build a balance between dancing and school. I don’t want anything to get in the way of these dreams, but I also must have an alternative. My two wishes are: to be a Cambodian Cultural Dancer and have full knowledge from being educated.

  Cambodian parents wanted their children to marry at a young age because teenagers have lack in many opportunities. So in turn, parents have no choice, along with thinking that if their children were to marry; they would be educated in terms of learning more and understanding more on how life goes, through the children married. For Cambodian culture and our traditions, the word “Marry”, itself, means a lot to us as Cambodian girls because if we chose to marry with a good guy, it would be great for us. But if we married and divorce, people would think that we are bad girls. Most of us married with the arrangement.
 When people get educated in a school environment, they do not know what to do with their knowledge. They cannot use in the community or expand it. So they would have a second thought of not to go to school.

  Last two weeks I wrote emails to a few friends. I got only two replied, are from Bori Chong and the other from Seiha Tan. They both are still in school, but under different circumstances.  “What is the point of going to school? What is the point of being an educated person?” Says Bori. Bori Chong was raised within a poor family. Seiha says, “I do not have to go to school and get a diploma; I can just be an engineer or doctor” Said Seiha, was raised within a higher class. Those were the answers that I received from them through email. A higher-class of people could buy his or her fake diploma or certificate without any skills.

   My parents did not think like other parents, they just wanted us to get educated. “Education is our treasure” said my mother. She also said that if they could only raise me and put me to school, they wanted fee satisfied. They say that when I get educated, I will use it and develop it for my future. Now I realize that America is the best place that I want to spend the rest of my life in because over here it is about being fair, equality, and allowing for so many opportunities to whomever that may have the skills.  So then my mother tends to like American culture based on education goes.

From these experiences that I have been through, I have learned a lot of things. I realized that one body of mind lives in two different worlds. I understand how my parents feel and how being in America feels to me. I will try to work it out our difference without hurting my parents’ feelings. Yet I want them to understand that how people dress is not necessarily how they think. I will not hurt my parents because of the world they grew up in, but I will try to make them comprehend the world that they now live in and that they can do more here. I will also try to put myself in their shoes and have more respect and be more careful on how and what I talk about with Cambodian people than with non-Cambodian people.
 

1. Journey of a lifetime. “Poetry in Motion” 05 September 2001. Internet site. <http://www.vais.net/~tapang/k_journey96/chapter1.html >
2. Friere, Paolo “The Banking Concept of Education” Knowledge, Art & Power. Falls 2001
3. Rodriquez, Richard “The Achievement of Desire” Knowledge, Art & Power. Falls 2001
4. Tan, Sieha and Chong Bori. Email interview. 30 September 2001
5. Saing, Putha. Mother, Personal Interview. 10 November 2001
6. Nancy J. Smith- Hefner: Khmer American. Pacific Historical Review, University of California Press 1999