Session 2: Challenges to Respectful Listening

Session 2: Challenges to Respectful Listening (19:01)

Jim Andrews, Ph.D, Speech-Language Pathologist

Mary Andrews, M.S., Couple & Family Therapist

Even a good listener may have difficulty using his/her listening skills from time to time because other factors interfere. We call these factors that cause difficulty listening “challenges to respectful listening.”

A wandering mind is one of those challenges. It’s impossible to respond appropriately to something we’ve been told, if we didn’t hear it! One way to avoid this is to attend to speakers’ non verbal language as well as the actual words they’re saying. Attending to speakers’ postures and postural adjustments, their facial expressions, their hand movements, and their emotional tone not only gives the listener more information, but helps the listener maintain attention and active curiosity.

A second challenge, especially to those just learning about respectful listening, is difficulty rephrasing in a natural manner. A new learner may sound a more like a parrot than an accomplished professional. The antidote to this is to find opportunities to practice. This can be with friends, family, children in your care, etc.

Third, periods of silence may be difficult to endure. Sometimes, however, clients and family members need time to think and we obtain better information when we allow them to do this. Practice may be the only way to become reasonably comfortable with giving others an opportunity to think.

A fourth challenge occurs when clients and/or family members express strong emotions. Respectful listening is appropriate during these times. Gough (2004) is an excellent reference for handling strong emotions when they are expressed from a position of grieving, which often is the case.

Finally, the last challenge described on the podcast is responding to the low verbal, quiet client or family member. In our experience, the best thing to do is to match the person’s verbal style. This is significantly more effective than talking more and assuming the client will follow this example.

Practice Suggestion: Notice the challenges that you experience as practice respectful listening. What are the personal strategies that you use to stay curious, focused and non-judgmental.

References
Gough, D. (2004). Disability, loss, and grieving: Implications and suggestions for speech and Language professionals. Perspectives on Language Learning and Education, 11:1, 18-24.